Slowing Down

Yesterday, I woke up with a new goal in mind. I set out to have the best day I could… I would tackle all the tasks that I had been putting off and try and enjoy them, knowing that I was thinning out my ever-growing “To Do” List. I also resolved to slow down and allow myself to not overlook the little things that I often times miss.

My office is run out of an old schoolhouse behind my boss’ house. He lives on 2 acres of land in Menifee. In the spring and summer the trees are blooming or teeming with fragrant fruit and each morning I am greeted by a family of rabbits that live in the neighborhood.

Yesterday morning as I went to unlock my office door I noticed a rather large praying mantis on the wall just at eye level. He had his arms curled in and I thought that he may have been dying. So, I dropped off my things at my desk and took out the camera I always carry with me.

My boss watched me as he watered some plants. He laughed as I snapped the picture. About 30 minutes later he called me outside and told me to bring the camera. He exclaimed, “He wasn’t dying, he was just sleeping! And he’s making a run for it!” As he scurried across the sidewalk. I was only able to snap one picture before he made it to the rock walkway and started further away.

I sighed at missing the opportunity to get a better shot and my boss walked over to a nearby tree and snapped off a branch. He quickly scooped the mantis onto the branch and held him up against the wall so I could get a good shot. We fumbled around for a few shots until I got a really good one.

Once I was satisfied he took the mantis out to a fruit tree and gently placed him among the boughs. I have known my boss since I was a little girl, I went to school with his oldest son and our families were close while we were growing up. He and I hardly ever see eye to eye, our opinions on most things couldn’t be more different and in spite of those things we work well together. He is a very shy and reserved man and on those rare moments I see him acting silly it makes me very happy. Yesterday was a good day.

Balancing Act

Creative and expressive energy has a way of flitting in and out of my life, always leaving before I am ready to let it go. Once it goes I am left staring blankly until it decides to come back. When it’s here, I am happy. When it’s gone I am empty… that’s not to say I am unhappy, I am just… empty. I can’t think of a better word to describe it. I live my life day to day. I smile, laugh, cry but my light is dim. I am not sure that my creativity completely leaves me though, it just sort of hides away just out of my reach. In that hidden place lives all my best ideas and most beautiful words of wisdom. And they whisper occasionally just loud enough to remind me that I miss them.

I have been wanting to write here more often. I have just been at a loss for words. I sort of got sick of writing about the cleanse; we were already living it, it was always the first and last thing I thought of all 28 days. In fact, nutrition and exercise are pretty much the only things that have been on my mind this entire summer. I have learned and am still learning a great deal about both subjects and dedicating as much time as I have to these things is integral to my success. However, what about the rest of me? The other aspects of my life that I always put on the back burner in order to spend more time focusing on “what’s important”?

My free time is precious, I don’t have much of it. Much of my time is dedicated to others. Don’t misunderstand me… I am fully aware that putting my health as #1 on my priority list is time dedicated to me but if I spend it all nourishing my body through diet and exercise when do I have the time to nourish my soul? I want to write more, I want to make things with my hands, I want to create… it feels like a big part of me is being neglected.

I feel like my life is all a balancing act. I just cannot seem to find that place when every aspect of me has equal weight. I am always struggling to find that place where all of it… all of me comes together, a place where I can feel whole and at peace. It’s unfortunate that the part of me that gets the least say is the part that thinks and feels very deeply. It’s in those places that I find the truth and feel my meaning. I think it’s time I start pushing more to find that balance.

I deleted my old personal blog so I plan on writing about everything here… not just about weight loss anymore. I guess that’s where the “finding of self” comes into play.

Another Reason Why I Love Him

I should have posted this yesterday:

I was rushing to get out of the door this morning… like usual. My regular get-out-the-door routine consists of packing our lunch, loading up my arms, giving Ebi & Kai their treat, putting them in their “room”, setting the alarm, hustling out of and then locking the garage door with my arms still full, giving Hana & Asa their biscuits, putting them outside, getting in my car, rolling down the window to tell Asa to go back outside, pulling out of the driveway and I am off. Today was no different except I noticed that Ramses wrote me a little note on the white board we just installed directly in front of where I park to use for our workouts. So, I turned off the car, unlocked the door, turned off the alarm, got my camera, and then repeated the necessary steps to secure the house. I am truly lucky to have such a supportive, loving husband. I couldn’t ask for anything more.